The Dept. of Useless & Ill-Informed Opinions
July 2011
25 posts
$628 armani dinner | fake memo
To: Fake Gilt City Summer Intern
From: Fake General Manager at Armani Ristorante
Subject: Very Real $495 Deal
Dear Gilt City Intern. I hope you enjoyed mortgaging off your parent’s house to pay for freshman year at Sarah Lawrence. Since you’re obviously skilled in convincing others to waste their money, I thought I’d reach out.
My Name is Enrico Pallazzo, and I’m writing because no one’s eating in our crummy Armani ristorante, hidden on the top floor of the overpriced Armani Store. It’s obnoxiously hard to get up here (the elevators are so slow) so I think the best way to lure people in from our recession ravaged city is to to do a really expensive deal. How’s $495 for four people sound? That includes four courses & wine.
Of course, $495 comes to $628 after tax and tip, which is about how much a pair of Armani socks cost, so comparatively it makes sense. Sure, this is more expensive than Michael White’s Marea, but who wants to eat two-Michelin starred Italian food when they can have clothing store Italian food?
And the socks we serve our customers, pardon, the deal we sell them will be non-refundable and they’ll have to use it by September 31st. If they don’t use it, we can keep the profits — cha-ching! As for the food, don’t tell them exactly what they’ll be eating on your Gilt site. We want it to be a surprise. In fact, check out our website — NO PRICES! Pure genius. At Armani, we don’t like customers knowing what they’re getting for $620. It’s part of our secret sweaty sock sauce.
The giants balls of ice cream (visible after the jump, at the bottom of the post) are well representative of the size of the balls that Gilt City/Armani Ristorante have in concocting a deal like this…
“
He spoke repeatedly but without specifics of private conversations and nonstop meetings involving administration officials “up to the highest levels” — White House shorthand for the president. Finally, exasperated, he asked whether reporters expected “a President Bartlet moment” — say, a march up Capitol Hill to whip Congress in line, à la fictional president in “The West Wing” television series.
“Yes,” one reporter replied.
” —I love that even five years after it ended, The West Wing is still a cultural and political benchmark. Also, proof that Obama is the most Jed Bartlet-esque president we’ll ever see.
President on Sidelines in Critical Battle Over Debt Ceiling - NYTimes.com
A Twee Grows In Brooklyn | The New York Observer →
observer.com
Sharing this for allisonfoley, so we can now both question our desire to move to Brooklyn.
Brew York, New York: Beer Link Roundup →
brewyorknewyork.com
Here’s what’s brewing on the beer scene this week in New York and beyond:
- Greenpoint’s Anella hosts Brooklyn Brewery beer dinner August 2nd
- Another media outlet doesn’t understand what a beer garden is [Complex Mag]
- Meanwhile, NY Press gets it; insists La Birreria is not a beer…
An outpost of Rattle N Hum is opening across the street from my office?
Score…A second new location, called BrewAuthorityNY, is also planned for West 40th Street and Eighth Avenue, near the Port Authority bus terminal
Read more: http://www.dnainfo.com/20110718/midtown/growlers-toast-of-midtown#ixzz1TFEIXyUr
Help-Wanted Ads Exclude the Long-Term Jobless - NYTimes.com →
nytimes.com
Without a doubt, this happened to me. As time wore on during my 22 months of unemployment, I was told outright that I was no longer desirable as a candidate because I’d spent too long “idle.”
This is the problem that the massive unemployment rate combined with the shaky economy has created, and the NYT does a good job of outlining it. Unemployment is begetting continued unemployment. As soon as you become a “hard sell,” the odds of finding a job in your field and at your income and seniority levels drops dramatically, let alone any job at all.
When I would go after a job at my level, I was told that I was out of work for too long and they had others with more current experience. When I’d go for a job below my level, I was told that they knew I’d be lowering my standards to take their job, and would keep looking and end up quitting in 6-12 months anyway.
In the end, it took friends at a former employer to bring me back into the fold to save me, and even now my job isn’t doing what I’d spent the prior few years doing. Of course, I’m consulting, so I’ll be forced out when the project I’m working on comes to a close, but when I do have to start looking again, I’ll have the advantage of being “currently employed or only recently unemployed.” And I feel incredibly bad for those who are still out since 2008-2009.
60% off $1,000 champagne at georgica
Gilt City is offering a 60% bottle service discount at Georgica in The Hamptons. The deal includes two bottles of Perrier-Jouët Blason Rosé Champagne, with seating for up to six, for $398, instead of $1,000. Bottle service markups are more expensive that typical restaurant markups as you’re paying for secured entry to a venue with a tough door and for guaranteed seating at a packed house. This is the case at Georgica, where I once tried to get in with two lady friends on the guest list. They let my lady friends in. They kept me out. So keeping that in mind, let’s take a look at the math:
Dan Harmon Poops: Found My Open Response to Our Neighbor in my Drafts →
danharmon.tumblr.com
Dear Neighbor:
I’m not new to SoCal - and thank you for abbreviating Southern California to keep your letter quick and painless - but I am new to living near you, and I just want to say…FUCK YOU. I’m sorry for typing my actual feelings instead of typing one thing and feeling another, but…
This person should just move into a Manhattan co-op and run for the board. They’ll get all sorts of (perceived) control, and their self-righteousness will be echoed by their fellow board members.
Ode to the Guy Drinking a Bud Bottle at Pony Bar
What the fuck is wrong with you, you ever-loving jackass?
Dan Harmon Poops: Writer George Gallo was on Paramount’s lot yesterday; he’s an old... →
danharmon.tumblr.com
Writer George Gallo was on Paramount’s lot yesterday; he’s an old collaborator of one of our EPs, Russ Krasnoff. You might know I tweeted a few nights ago while watching a movie he wrote, Midnight Run, for the millionth time.
Russ texted me that he was in the office so I ran down there to say hi,…
Google+ may carry dangers for photographers - BlogPost - The Washington Post →
washingtonpost.com
Danger! Read if you’re using, or considering using, Google+. There are some serious photo ownership and usage questions.
Play
The Brooklyn Concoction →
brooklynbrewery.com
Drinking one right now, a keg having just been put on at the new Duane Reade Brew York City growler station at 72nd and Broadway. While I can’t say whether it’s good or bad, I’ll say it’s definitely unique. You can taste the peat, lemon, wildflower honey and ginger, and I’d say it smells of that same lemon and honey.
Looking forward to polishing off the growler to see if my opinion… well I would had said changes, but really I think I need to actually establish one.
